In the world of online dating pictures are important. Scan the profiles of Tinder, OK Cupid, Plenty of Fish, Match.com, or your local Craigslist personal ads and whether you are a guy or a gal it’s the picture you look at first.
A picture is often the first yes, no, or maybe of an online profile. In the case of tinder, it’s solely the image of a person that draws one to swipe left or right: reject them or show an interest.
That first or second photograph is what can literally hook us into wanting to know more; and maybe, just maybe, if a few emails or texts show the person to be potentially interesting, taking the time to meet up in person to see if there is any chemistry.
The recent exhibit “Show Me More: A Collection of DickPix,” which is part of the Explicit exhibit at Morgan Avenue Underground Studios in Brooklyn, New York, is both dangerous and silencing to the world of online dating.
Here’s why: In the world of online hook-ups and casual sex especially, pictures are really important to some of us. You may think that gals don’t care about the physical attributes of a potential date, but let me tell you, a picture that show a guy’s body is of interest to some of us.
Sorry to break it to y’all, but for some of us gals, even those of us invested in the layered dimensions of intimacy and sex, a pic of your junk is important; in fact, it can make or break a casual sex date. Your pic has some of utter a whispered breath of “yes please” or a definitive “meh, I think I’ll pass.”
Now I realize that some women don’t give girth and size too much mind. Others keep their preferences private and are happy with the man’s substance in other areas rather than his physical specs. These women probably don’t talk too much about casual sex, hook ups, or cock size. They may not enjoy porn with a lot of cock shots or cum shots. They may not be that into giving great head or cock worship either. For some women, a cock is important and its not a deal breaker. They are more focused on other aspects of physical intimacy, sex, pleasure, connection, relating, and/or matchability.
Other women want to know what we’re gonna get down with … because even if you have a deep connection to source and spirit, a professional life that is thriving, a kind and generous heart, deep, soulful eyes and a soft, full head of hair, a wicked sense of humour, and gallant mannerisms, our sexual satisfaction is also really important. And for some of us sexual pleasure, even in a casual sex encounter, is in good measure dependent upon your cock: what we can do with it and what it can do for us.
This exhibit makes sending dick pic’s dangerous. It has men question if they are being solicited for other purposes. It has men question if we are really women. It has men not want to share explicit photographs. It has men get cautious. It has men – and women – who are into visuals loose.
The group of four women who put on this exhibit, named The Future Femme Collective, to it seems prove a point and make men wrong fro sending elicit pictures, solicited pictures of men’s cocks on OK Cupid and other dating sites. One even posed as a man on Grinder and said s/he was just looking for pictures of cocks.
And that’s what they got.
And for some reason this is an affront to feminist values and sensibilities.
The collective then formed an art exhibit to “prove” that “unsolicited” photos of dick pic’s are a problem, an affront, and unwelcome for feminist women who online date.
Here’s another feminist perspective: women who online date for casual sex are not victims. We are not victims of perpetuators who just want to send us pictures of their junk. If we ask to see a picture of their cock we are actually owning our sexuality and that’s actually really fuck’n ok.
The exhibit is being portrayed as sex scandals and conversations of appropriate versus very inappropriate actions and behavior make headline news globally: from Anthony Weiner (Congressman and NYC Majorial hopeful) and Bob Filner (San Diego Major), to Eliot Spitzer (former NY Governor and NYC Comptroller candidate), Silvio Burlusconi (Italy’s former prime minister) and Jacob Zuma (President of South Africa and The African National Congress), and, dare I name him yet again, Tiger Woods (Professional, world champion golfer) make the news.
Vice wrote an informative article, full of specifics, a few photos, and interviews, on the exhibit here: http://www.vice.com/en_ca/read/these-women-are-taking-your-dick-pics-and-turning-them-into-art
Hiding upset and making a point behind “art” doesn’t empower us. It desexualizes us, has all of us – women and men – question the motives of the opposite sex, get overly preoccupied with privacy and political correctness, and creates barriers to casual sex and intimacy.